Grieving the Spirit
Ephesians 4:29-32
Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk [words] come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit [building up] those who listen [nearby].
4:30 And do not grieve [bring sorrow] the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
4:31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage [bad temper] and anger [being mad, shouting], brawling [quarreling, contention] and slander [cursing], along with every form of malice maliciousness]. 4:32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. NIV
4:29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. 4:30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 4:31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 4:32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. NKJV
Eph 4:29 You must let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is beneficial for the building up of the one in need, that it may give grace to those who hear. NET
Words that should give grace
The NIV could be clearer in their translation, the NET Bible more accurately reads, “You must let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is beneficial for the building up of the one in need, that it would give grace to those who hear” (Eph 4:29). The meaning is clear, our words should be kind and tolerant toward others, that they may learn about “the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ” (1 Pet 5:10).
Unwholesome words
These words mean something that is worthless, rotten with a bad smell and demeaning toward others. Jesus used this same Greek word for “bad” as “trees that bears bad fruit” (Matt 7:17,18). When corrupt words become part of our daily speech, like a tree, our lives will bear bad fruit. “Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire” (Matt 7:19). Meaning that those who on a regular basis, use foul, sarcastic, or religious profanity in the misuse of God’s name, will be “thrown into the fire” of hell.
We must guard our words, for it is impossible to ever take them back. Cursing is a very hard habit for many to break from. It will often take much prayer and time within Scriptures and sacred music. They will need to be “Born of the Spirit” (John 3:8) and learn how to “put off your old self” (4:22) and to be taught the “truth that it is in Jesus” (4:21).
Paul taught the Colossians belivers “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer everyone” (Col 4:6). The salt is in reference to the preserving quality of salt. For example it is reported that cured salt pork, when properly handled, can be stored for 1 to 3 months for the best quality. When our words are salted, they are helpful and encouraging to the lonely, sorrowful, grieving, discouraged or the young and inexperienced.
Believers should be cautioned to avoid TV, sports or movies that use profane words, although we have not spoken to them, a danger remains.
Instead we endeavor to stay focused on positive words of grace, peace, praise, and thanksgiving. When we use foul language, if “Born of God” (1 John 3:9) the Spirit will warn us. Unless we turn to prayer and seek God’s power for better replacement of our words; it will have a dampening effect on the labors of the Spirit in our behalf. Over time, blindness will set in, and we will feel little desire to stop our unkind or cruel words spoken to others. Our understanding of scripture and the comfort, love and joy that comes from the Spirit, is lost sight of or greatly diminished.
Worst of all, those with continued unwholesome speech, toward their spouse, children or employees are in danger of being like one of the “foolish” “virgins” (Matt 25:2), belivers in Christ. All ten of the virgins in this parable were expecting the return of Christ so that they can go “inside with Him to the wedding banquet” (Matt 25:10). Instead the five foolish belivers find themselves at the day the Lord returns, to be out of “oil” (Matt 25:8), the symbol for the Holy Spirit. When, later, they come to the door of the wedding feast, they knocked and said, “Lord, lord! Let us in!’ But inside the room they heard the reply, ‘I tell you the truth, I do not know you!’” (Matt 25:11). The foolish virgins were unprepared for the Second Coming of Jesus and were left with all the rest of the lost, in a hopeless condition.
Words that build others up
Paul writing to the Corinthians belivers said, "So even if I boast somewhat freely about the authority the Lord gave us for building you up rather than tearing you down, I will not be ashamed of it” (2 Cor 10:8). Paul had authority as an Apostles. There was only a dozen of them, they are the founders of the Christian movement. Yet, despite all his authority, he would never use it to tear others down but only build them up. Paul did not follow the “cancel culture” of today, that cancels those who don’t follow the exact narrative provided. This is a lesson for anyone who uses their authority to abuse or mistreat others. To not give them justice or mercy when they really could.
When believers have grieved the Spirit from them, they will bruise and humiliate others without even knowing it. Maybe feeling justified in doing so, while they falsely believe they are among the saved.
Ephesians 4:30 And do not grieve [bring sorrow] the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 4:31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage [bad temper] and anger [being mad, shouting], brawling [quarreling, contention, strife] and slander [cursing], along with every form of malice [maliciousness, evil intent]. 4:32 And be kind to one another [helpful], tenderhearted [compassionate], forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
The Holy Spirit of God
This is the only time this expression is used in the NT. Indicating the closeness of the Spirit to God the Father.
The term “Holy Spirit” is used about 93 times in the NT.
The term “Spirit of God” is used about 11 times in the NT.
The Term “The Spirit of the Lord” is used 4 times in the NT
The Term “The Spirit of truth” is used 4 times in the NT
The Term “The Spirit gives life” is used 3 times in the NT
The term “Spirit of Christ” is used 2 times in the NT.
The term “New way of the Spirit” used 1 time in the NT
The term “God’s Spirit” is used 1 time in the NT
The term “God is Spirit” is used 1 time in the NT
The Term “The Spirit of His Son” 1 time in the NT
The term “the Spirit who is from God” used 1 time in the NT
The “Spirit that He (God) gave us” is used 1 time in the NT
References to the “Spirit” is used somewhere around 75-100 times in the NT
Other expressions used in the NT for the Spirit:
“The Spirit of holiness” (Rom 1:4)
Set your mind on what the Spirit desires (Rom 8:5)
The mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace (Rom 8:6)
Led by the Spirit (Rom 8:14)
The love of the Spirit (Rom 15:30)
Made alive in the Spirit (1 Pet 3:18)
The power of the Spirit (Lk 4:14)
Overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit (Rom 15:13)
Live by the Spirit (1 Cor 3:1)
Gifts of the Spirit (1 Cor 14:1)
Fruits of the Spirit is love, joy and peace (Gal 5:22)
To please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life (Gal 6:8)
Songs from the Spirit (Eph 5:19; Col 3:16)
Joy given by the Holy Spirit (1 Thess 1:6)
The Holy Spirit and in sincere love (2 Cor 6:6)
Fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all (2 Cor 13:14)
Your love in the Spirit (Col 1:8)
The Spirit gives us wisdom and understanding (Col 1:9)
The Spirit gives us wisdom and revelation (Eph 1:17)
Saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit (2 Thess 2:13)
The Spirit God gave gives us power, love and self-discipline (2 Tim 1:7)
through Christ Jesus, so by faith we might receive the promise of the Spirit (Gal 3:14)
How much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him! (Lk 11:13)
The subject of the ministry of the Spirit should be, must be, central in gospel teaching and preaching. Anytime the Spirit is neglected and untaught, we are poorer, spiritually. We will be like the Church in Laodicea that was counseled “to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich” (Rev 3:18). The fire represents the Spirit that come upon disciple as “tongues of fire” (Act 2:3). The gold stands for endurance that has been tested, “if we endure, we will also reign with him” (2 Tim 2:12).
1-Greive the Spirit
The Spirit is not grieved with himself—but for us. We can grieve the Spirit with our anger, jealousy and irritability with others and our “unwholesome speech” (4:29), or words that hurt others in any way. The result is not that the Spirit abandons or leaves us. It is that we will experience a loss of inner peace and joy in the Lord. When after “anger” (4:31), we follow it with repentance, the Spirit will be there for us. The Spirit will give us “access” (2:18) to our Father God where we will receive forgiveness and justification from faith alone.
However if we grieve the Spirit in our rough treatment of others, tenants in our apartment, we stand a chance that we will justify our actions, feeling no need of being sensitive to the feelings of others.
Don’t put out the Spirit fire
In a list of 15 practices of the “children of light” in Thessalonians Paul encourages the believers saying to them “Do not quench the Spirit” (1 Thess 5:19). In other words, don’t stifle, turn away the Spirit’s fire burning inside your spirit.
The Greek word for “quench” means to extinguish, suppress, the fire. In practical terms the Spirit’s good influence on our lives, fighting our flesh in our behalf (Gal 5:17), planting the fruits of the Spirit (Gal 5:19), is suppressed.
We are not to quench the fire of enthusiasm which often will burst out in prayers, praises, thanksgivings. What a privilege to teach “With words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words” (1 Cor 2:13). What a shame to lose this privilege, because our anger or unkindness has dampened the Spirit, resulting in further blindness as to our real spiritual condition.
John the Baptist predicted that Jesus “will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire” (Matt 3:11).
The Holy Spirit’s influence in our lives is compared with fire. At times it burns high and bright, while at times it is a bed of hot coals. The first presence of the Spirit, after the resurrection of Jesus, was at Pentecost where “tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them” (Acts 2:3). There is an old proverb which says, "Where the Spirit is, He burns”.
Where the Spirit is not, there is no enthusiasm in song or no “Spirit-taught words” (1 Cor 2:13)
It is formal, often like reading a manuscript. They are like sermons that are filled with personal anecdotes, with very little Scriptures. They are words with no wings that move the listener into conviction and heart felt prayers, at times forcing them in their seats and bringing them to tears of repentance and peace with God.
The presence of the Spirit will bring the gift of warmth that percolates through the heart and at times, the body is swayed with deep emotion of love to God and heart felt prayers of repentance.
Quenching the Spirit by activities that run counter to the “fruits of the Spirit” (Gal 5:23).
Instead of love—Hate and unkindness
Instead of Joy—Joy in the Lord, joy in abusing others or in one’s pride.
Instead of peace—Arguments and disagreements centered on one own demand.
2-Greive the Spirit
The worst possible thing that could happen to us is when God takes away His Holy Spirit from us and leaves us “orphans” (John 14:18) in this world. David knew this and believed his sin could have so grieved God’s Spirit that it would be forever gone in his life. So he prayed please Lord, “Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me” (Ps 51:11). What a sad day, to lose the sweet abiding presence of the Spirit in your life. Worst of all, new know you lost what you had your first encounter with God
Activities that support the presence of the Spirit is following the Golden Rule: “Do to others as you would have them do to you” (Lk 6:31). When not followed, the Spirit will tell you of your mistakes, if unheeded time after time, the Spirit is grieved.
Sealed by the Spirit of God
The Spirit is the element IN which the believer is sealed. It is by his gracious influences of the Spirit of God that seals us. When we have decided unequivocally to be “led by the Spirit (Gal 5:18) giving us fruits and gifts. Where our “bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit” (1 Cor 6:18) where God can dwell in us. This is what is represented as being sealed by the Spirit. This sealing takes place in the here and now, giving to us assurance that at the Second Coming of Jesus, we will be ready for that day of redemption.
3-Do not grieve
In Greek this is in the present tense. What Paul is saying is that “Unwholesome” (4:29) language, “bitterness rage and anger grieves the Holy Spirit. The Spirit which seals us is involved with our resurrection.
When we are bitter or angry or criticize others with malice. When we say spiteful words to others we grieve the Spirit. This affects our spiritual growth.
When a person is “born of the Spirit” (John 3:8) resulting in their “bodies” becoming “temples of the Holy Spirit” (1 Cor 6:19) unwholesome words will create a discomfort in the Spirit’s temple. It is as if the Spirit creates a kind of ruckus of disapproval, especially when profanity uses God’s name with slander. Listeners should be warned as to the potential danger of listening to “obscenity” (5:4), in a movie, relaxed in their front rooms while eating popcorn.
The Lord’s prayer
We will often pray the Lord’s Prayer, “lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one” (Matt 6:13). Meaning that we ask God to guide our lives, our steps safely around or through the places where we would dishonor God’s name and not grieve the Holy Spirit of God. We are praying for Divine Guidance “to preserve our lives and kept [keep] our feet from slipping” (Ps 66:9). For we know that the evil one has set temptations along our path, so that he can cause us to fall into sin, again and again. “Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me” (Ps 31:3). When we are faced with trouble causing us to fear, we can like David say, “I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm” (Ps 55:8).
PS: Postscript
It bears repeating, for Paul develops the theme further in the next chapter, saying “not a hint of sexual immorality” or “obscenity” should be in our lives, or we will not “inherit the kingdom of God” (5:4). Thus, we must be very careful in watching movies that have swearing or constant cursing as part of their script. When we voluntarily watch profanity with graphic sexual encounters, with enjoyment, it will impact the Spirit of God in our lives, grieving the Spirit. For the Spirit creates a Holy space inside us, known as the “Spirit of truth” (John 14:17; 15:26; 16:13), so what your eyes are watching is not only lies, but evil—all the opposite of truth.
Instead, treasure the Spirit’s presence, guard it with your life, your “eyes” (Matt 6:22,23) and your “ears” (Matt 13:15) in tune with “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Phil 4:8). For it is not belief in church doctrines, church attendance, tithe paying or being a worship leader that seals us for the day of redemption, our resurrection at the Second Coming of our Lord. It is the treasured presence of the Spirit of God “guiding” us and “teaching” us the way of the Lord (John 16:13; 14:26). We can know, we can be assured, by the “Spirit himself” which “testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children” (Rom 8:16), that we are redeemed because our “robes” are “made them white in the blood of the Lamb” (Rev 7:14).
One final thought. Keep your conscience sensitive to what Scriptures teach, that grieve the Spirit. Not what an organization tells you what you must do, to be saved. Avoid adding new doctrines that are not New Testament based, to make you feel guilty.
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